Chronology: Barry & Pendergast in Marriage Ministry at First Alliance Church 

Leadercast/

Are evals still being one?
YYC Marriage Network - no visitors
Check Les Twitter
Did P&K receive training? WE gave  them DVD from training and webinar
Only 2 ‘team’ mtgs P&K 
What happens who sign up at fairs?
Mens ministry Breakfast Richard  Ron at Seniors Ron & P& E
Lack of proper P& E Training, role playing FOCCUS certificate
Only 1 team or bible study mtg  attending by Shane & Kim 011 leaders
Ditto Patrick & Karen 
Evals going on?
No mentoring for B&J even though they have done 60 Foccus
Tried to interest Mosaic in parenting…Ron controls
How were decisions made on any events/course? Any evidence team members were informed?
Confidentiality? Where are past P&E files stored?
Never allowed to see budget
#! Communication and Marriage…Communication & Teamwork
silo affect _ need sound ministry  structure / basic expectations  - perhaps ministry coordinator?
Team responsibilities? 
Record of CORE team meetings? Given to all team
What team members were actually active and accountable?
Defines Ron & Les responsibility 
HR team at FAC? FAC growing fast needs structure
Fire escape
Costing courses? P&E how many did it and were there refunds
Who did the P&E %
35 couples lost opportunity not MC
Impacting community marriages & family 
Love

Before 2010 B&J had an excellent relationship with Greg McCombes at FAC. Never quite sure why he moved out of marriage & family work as he was excellent. Before FAC moved from Glenmore Trail we were frankly envious of how FAC ran their marriage ministry!  Very vibrant! 
However during their time at FAC 2013-2016 Barry & Jennifer would hear of others who had been hurt by happenings in the marriage ministry and dropped out. 

Fall 2010 Invited to dinner with Scot and Tara Weatherford at  our friend Carol Lawrence’s home. Carol was very  concerned about the state of marriage &  family ministry at FAC. She hoped we might make a difference. Carol has since died. We sent a note to Scot but no response

11.11.11 Met with Les Bon-Benard as Relationship Central  reps 2 years before joining FAC. Shared our work in marriage & family. Hoped he would introduce some of the courses. Followed up but no response

28.10.13 Urgent call from Jamie Unruh @ FAC have 10 couples ready for Pre_Marriage Couple and  facilitator has dropped out. Can B&J recommend someone? B&J think about it 5 minutes and call back and  say they will do it. We established a really good working relationship with Jamie from beginning. Although some concerns assistants were privy to confidential information. “We have a young couple who recently completed the Preparing for Marriage course and wanted to do the P&E assessment. It looks like they have a few issues that they need a more seasoned mentor couple to walk them through. Would you be available to mentor them? Jamie

8&9.11.13 Facilitate  Pre- Marriage Course - Couples evaluations  good to very good

4.1.14  FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Couple  Communication and Understanding Study - Inventory used by Fac before Prepare & Enrich introduced) session with a couple

11/12.1.14  Facilitate  Pre- Marriage Course - Ron &Teresa assist and evaluate B&J 

13.1.14  Couples evaluations  good to very good 

18.1.14 FOCCUS session with a couple

5,2,14  Ron & Teresa Lunch

24.3.14 Planning notes discussion with Ron

20/21.3.14  Facilitate  Pre- Marriage Course -  John & Cheryl Siebrings our assist. Couple evals good to very good. Only time we would see SIebrings at a marriage event 

11.3.14 FOCCUS session with a couple

24.3.14 Great thanks from Jamie  (Ron’s Assistant )on latest Marriage Prep Course

7.5.14  Ron & Teresa Dinner @ B&J . Ron would describe us as their mentors in the journey ahead’ Liked our 100 couples ideas 

31.1. 14  1/2 day Prepare & Enrich Training  - B&J would never use it for FAC. Over 18 years had facilitated more than 60 FOCCUS inventories with pre-married couples. Would advise Ron 1/2 day training insufficient

24 &31.5.14  Facilitate  Pre- Marriage Course @ Home. 1 FAC couple .  Couples evaluations  good to very good 

4.6.14 FOCCUS session with a couple

6.7.14  Email rom Ron” As always, I am so grateful to you and Jennifer for your support and willingness to help me & FAC in this ministry.”

15.7.14 Invite from Jamie to man promo table on Main Street

12.7.14 FOCCUS session with a couple

28.7.14 FOCCUS session with a couple

10.8.14  One and only Marriage Matters newsletter - pretty scant

12.8.14 Fern on Shame….email from Jamie 11 aug 14

10.9.14 Try coordinate Alpha & Marriage Courses dinners to/from Heather Brown to no avail 

9.8.14   FOCCUS session with a couple

31.8.14  Mtg Ron & Teresa - talk about need for properly organized  team meetings 

 5.9.14 Brent & Rhea get together at our home

14.9.14  Promotion on Main Street T shirts Last promo for B&J see photo

18.9.14  B&J talk to seniors on 911 - Couple came up re no support

25.9.14 Start to facilitate first FAC Marriage Course in 7 years

13.9.14  B&J an Parenting  Course Training at Foothills Alliance 

4.10.14 Only one of 3 couples to attend Marriage 911 training event at FAC (would later share course with FAC seniors)

14.11.14  Ron” Thank you very much for facilitating The Marriage Course. Your partnership with me in the Marriage Ministry at FAC is valued and greatly appreciated.” 

16.10.14  Shared the work of Marriage Matters &  principles & purpose of Marriage 911 at Seniors luncheon- looking for seniors get involved . Approached by couple after who had served in FAC marriage ministry in past - “your wasting  your time without a committed pastor involved.” see photo

30.11.14  Last night of Marriage Course - Evaluations good to very good 

11.12.14  Meeting with  Ron “ How did Marriage Course  go meeting? turned into  a criticism of Relationship Central  as a  para church organization. 
Agreed to jointly contact National Director  - never happened  but Ron contacted her separately . Jennifer challenged Ron on the fact that First Alliance did not take Marriage Ministry seriously. 

15.12.14  Email from Ron “ Thank you both for making the time to visit last week; I do enjoy our time together.  Over the next week I'll make of list of "projects" where I could use some additional support, and if you'd like, you can pick from there your areas of interest”  Nothing was ever received.

15.12.14  email from Ron “No meals possible for next Marriage Course” No discussion he can’t get Harvest Meals to help us

16.1.15 sent home based marriage course video to team

18.12.14  (date question) Our surprise Ron arrives at Seniors lunch to give a presentation on Marriage Matter Ministry. We are not forewarned us as  Marriage Matters team members & regular seniors attendees? Ron would later be critical of the seniors for making too much noise while he spoke. A trait he would show  to others who displeased him

17.12.14   December meeting at Ron & Teresa  with Brent , Rhea , Patrick & Karen
Had to invite ourselves to meeting - major discussion on whether food would be served. See email. Barry obviously upset Ron by insisting meal must be part of course. Ron would not share financial info. Only Teresa saved day. Push for regular team meetings ignored 

23.12.14 Meals on again. No details. No financial details

5.1.15  Family Life Assistant  Job description : 
Administrative support for Pastor of Family Life 
o Preparing for Marriage Workshops. 
o The Marriage Course Workshops 
o Dynamic Marriage Course. 
o Registrations and communications for all workshops and courses. 
o Organizing marriage small group studies. 

 Keep minutes of ministry volunteer team meetings. 
o Graphic design and layout e.g. monthly newsletter, brochures, posters. 
o Schedule volunteers for senior visitation. 
o Keep track of volunteers’ required training and forms. 

19.1.15  Fac Marriage Ministry Social - 6 couples & Ron - confidentiality concerns over comments made in the meeting by Randy Aspinal and group banter about a couple who had taken prep-course. Ron gave a vision…His Dream. Went on for a long time. Ron did not share copy of dream ahead or after. We requested a copy.  Mike asked ” Ron sum it up with what are the 5 most important issues?” No response. 
B&J share  interest in running  Parenting Course mentioned?,  _ Ron “will do it in 2016”, B&J  wanting to active outside church with couples & families. 
Every thing is strategic whatever that means? Ron shares his & Teresa’s  problems with P&E and will not let Marriage Matters couples  who took training see  their full reports 

23.1.15 Sent Marriage Prep Webinar to Patrick & Karen (had previously sent training info)

24.2.15 Offer to help Shane & Kim  in 911 mentoring 

21-28.1.15 Exchange emails B&J & Ron on need to meet  important issue before Marriage Course starts. Very challenging for B&J to remain calm with Ron’s aggressive emails 

27.1.15 Ron took us out of ministry without our knowledge or discussion  based on suspicion. He had spoken with our co-facilitators and asked them to replace us. He did this first in an email that arrived late in evening. We were too tired to read it after spending 2 days preparing for our meeting with him. Would not notice till later. 

28.1.15 Meeting Ron B&J  raised confidentiality concerns that were ignored. Based on suspicions B&J  were creating  disharmony and  had to step down from ministry . At this Barry called a Ron a control freak and stormed  out with Jennifer. After discussions Jennifer decided to return and under great  pressure and insistence from Ron confirmed Randy Aspinal was the person sharing confidential couples information. 

28.1.15 Later that night Ron called and rescinded decision   and B&J could run course - no apology or attempt to help us talk things over with couple he had planned to replace us with  

29,1,15 Ron gives a strange & rushed  message to the MC & MPC  group at dinner about  on confidentiality - no prior discussion with anyone. Jennifer asked several times for a confidentiality document for all to sign. Nothing done.  

January 2015 City Light News on what a difference 100 couples running MC&MPC could make in city. An idea shared with Ron & Teresa many times

6/6.2.15  B&J attended Mark Gungor Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage at Foothill Alliance . Highly successful 

7/2/15 After attending a highly successful “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage Event at Foothills Alliance we shared with Ron idea of a bible study using the material.  Ron “We tried laugh your way….” didn’t work yet. Always felt any idea B&J made was put down.

2.15.5 B&J  Missed  Mentoring workshop  - promise to hold another, never did

18.2.15 Brad Boshmans  email confirming  he, Ron and our National Director has been in discussions for more than  two weeks to hold a Marriage & Marriage training  event at FAC’ Brad noted Ron is very pleased to have B&J  on his team.  Hurt B&J a little ,things  being done behind their backs’  Following night Ron’s admission 

20.2.15 Invite from Ron to run proposed new Marriage Course  start April 9. He notes maybe couples would come out of Brad’s training event . Its somewhat of a mystery who attends - we know of two couples, one from FAC

23.2.15 B&J  respond to Ron we are off on 3 weeks vacation in eastern USA - happy to help 2 weeks in beginning and last few weeks of upcoming marriage course. Never heard back from Ron

4.3.15 B&J  email team & 100 couples about Brads training - what does Ron do?

3.5.15 Marriage Matters Bible Study  - we were  on vacation 

7.3.15 Marriage Course Training event by Brad from Foothills at FAC - 5 churches represented. - 12 couples Who from FAC unknown 

7.3.15 Email from Brad  re training event - 12 couples attended - thanks to B&J  for your help in promoting 

12.3.15  Last night Marriage Course - strange situation over group photo  Ron & Teresa would not join group 

13.6.15 Marriage Mentoring  training - unable to attend 

18.6.15 Marriage Matters Bible study - three couples active in marriage work who should have attended did not ever

Summer 2015 On Main  Street @ FAC Marianne Aspinal  shares with B&J her concerns &  worries about a couple she and Randy are mentoring. Gives ages and ethic backgrounds. We advise her to speak to Ron or Fern. We believe it shows 1/2 P&E training insufficient. Likely some role play exercises needed and a confidentiality agreement & procedures in place 

15.7.15 Marriage Course Fall Brochure produced (only recently saw)

29.8.15 Marriage Matters Bible Study - who attended - three couples active in marriage work who should have attended did not ever

10.9.15 Attended First  Couples Cafe  event. Strange comment from Teresa over we were first to sign up. No request to help that evening. First indicator of the ‘Core’ group at work 

16 .9.15  Marriage Matters Bible Study. Barry asked for proper team meetings - with agendas, reports, financials, upcoming events ets. Gave Mens Ministry model with clearly irritated Ron . Jennifer asks for better communication. Ron said he does have resources for newsletter. Three couples active in marriage work who should have attended did not ever

3.10.15  Relationship Central Meetings in  Calgary with our national director Elaine Young. Brad from Foothills was there. Brad is always supportive of our work 

4.10.15  National Director Elaine Young in town &  introduced to James  re possible visit by Nicky and Sila Lee extending their trip to Haiifax. James very supportive of idea as he has worked with the ministry - says contact Les

1.11.15 Second Couples Cafe Event - we did not attend

10.10.15 Contact Les by email  re potential Nicky & Sila visiting Calgary. Took 6 weeks to arrange 

24.11.15 Meeting Les & Ron re Nicky & Sill Lee - starts 10 minutes late, Les looks at watch and says no time chit chat. 9 minute meeting basically no discussion just a verdict (Halifax event  sold out). Asked if we got another church involved would FAC support it? NO. But Les said he so appreciates us coming forward with the idea - doesn’t happen very often! We wondered why? Ron Buschman said Nicky & Sila would not be a big enough draw! Only meeting with Les & any form of communication in 2 1/2 years in this  ministry under his direction and to current date.  Was the CORE team consulted? 

5.12.15 email from Ron..he an Les have discussed again and its no. Did the team get  a chance to discuss option? 

Sept 15 to January 2016 Ongoing brief chats/emails/messages with James about getting together 

28.1.16 Meeting James  -  seemed sympathetic - wait 5 weeks for me to work on it. Barry persisted but then James became really ill . See messages with James

29.1.16 Ron & Teresa accepted our hospitality as part of a  24 person grief hospitality evening at our house . Not a word! If they were so unhappy with us why not hang behind?

10.2.16 Marriage event Garry Thomas @ Centre Street . The inner CORE Marriage Matters team were out in force! Not a word mentioned ! 

11.2.16. Barry taking photos Garry Thomas singles event @ FAC . Email from Ron he was very appreciative!  

16.3.16 Note from Les.- James had referred requests to him and he referred us back to Ron when he returns in April. Huge disappointment! Sending us back to an abuser. Difficult to trust the system after this. Needed to pull back and pray! 

12/19.5.16 Vancouver vacation with family

22.5.16 B&J write to Brad Young seeing if we can help in marriage & family in new FAC church plant  - The Exchange. No response 

24.5.16 email request from Ron - need meet within 5 days to get our opinions of him and ministry. Why the urgency? Did email to Brad Young set this off? Was this because Les & Dawn had agreed to do the January 2017 Marriage Course and we needed to be got rid of? 

27.5.16 Meeting Ron joined by Teresa. We were totally deceived by the purpose of meeting. Teresa appeared to be there to record meeting.  Tried to share our thoughts but stopped by strange use of Matthew 18:15. Someone had challenged  his authority in public. No details or witnesses. Basically B&J are out of the ministry, they have a core group of couples running it and Les will run a Marriage Course in January 2017. As we left Jenifer made it clear she wished to talk to Ron privately.  See fuller meeting report 

31.5.16  Email from Anne Freeman for the Couples Cafe on June 10 now notes Teresa Buschman as a Marriage Ministry Team Leader. First B&J  had heard  this. The theme for this event  “is being a great team player. “

1.6.16  strange email from Ron “I left our meeting last Friday feeling I had addressed a significant issue you felt was under my control, and yet wasn’t. Therefore, your behavior toward me this afternoon was confusing.   So I again offer to make myself available to meet with you, should you wish to discuss this new issue(s) with me. Please let me know” Clearly oblivious to  the pain he has caused us

26.6.16
while Barry waits for Jennifer to come out of Discovery Land on shouts out hi Barry “Hi Barry”  from by the new food serve area….felt like a gloating - Les comes up and shakes my hand assures me we will be meeting soon…felt a little weird 

6.7.6  member of Christian community confirms conversation in April or early May with Ron about the conflicts between him and the Pendergasts and between us and  other  team members resulting in our being removed from Marriage team. Could seriously impact our role with Marriage Course’s. Who else has Ron shared this with? 

In the end our opinion that First Alliance is not committed to Marriage & Family ministry - many problems in past

7.7.16 Meeting with Tim Les  Pat 
Les - all he knew was Ron tried to reach out to us without success. Knew nothing of any conflict. Yes he had agreed to do the marriage course so Ron must have talked to him? How up to date is he? Ron agreed to get rid of us?  Was that why the 5 days was urgent? Did the team get consulted? Who else j-knows about the MC 2017?
Les disagreed this was spiritual abuse though doesn’t seem to understand what it is. Will go back and investigate - a real conflict of interest? 
Only second time since being at FAC we have been in  a meeting of any kind with Les

24.7.16 Barry & Jennifer come into the church early get Photo  Exhibit ready - Ron insists on hugging Jennifer but Barry walks pass him with photo stuff. Teresa looks very tense and serious. Again felt like Ron needed to gloat 

14.8.16
Rons bizarre behaviour jumps out from behind a tree south end of building to hug Jennifer

Marriage Matters Team Members B&J had been introduced to: : Barry Pendergast Brent & Rhea Davies Cheryl & John Siebring Howard & Eleanor Friesen janelle gerestein Lima Karen Toews Mike Friesen & Tammy Korchmar Oscar & Janelle Garcia Patrick Toews Randy & Marian Aspinall Randy Aspinall Shane & Kim Bevans Shane Bevans Teresa Buschman. There were others but they were unknown to us 

Ephesians 6:5-9, 
For those of us who are the boss Paul has some words about how we treat those who are under our authority. 
 How does Paul teach masters to lead? What of these points impacted you the most? 
 For those of you who have some level of authority in your workplace, what has been the biggest challenge to use that position in a way that honors God? Has it challenged you to see the value in people who are not as high up in position?